Recursive Words

You know the one where you think you’ve reached the bottom of the barrel – the lowest ebb – the worst things can get – and then you realise you were only on the first floor, and there is a veritable sky-scraper below you?

That.

It’s worth pointing out that this isn’t about me – it’s somebody else – and there’s nothing I can do to help, other than be here and help pick up the pieces at some indeterminate point in the future. I’ve already said my piece – voiced my concerns. I’m not sure they had any impact at all.

I can’t help thinking of the line from “The OA” – a wonderful television series that most of the world knows either knows nothing about, or didn’t understand – but that changed the lives of those that saw it, and got it.

“the biggest mistake I made was believing that if I cast a beautiful net, I’d catch only beautiful things”

I guess as you get older – as you experience more – and as you listen to stories told by others that have shared their experiences – you become ever so slightly jaded by everybody and everything. You start to doubt.

In this case, while it’s impressive to witness blind optimism, there’s also a dread attached to it – that a precipitous fall is approaching – and nobody will emerge unscathed.

It feels like being in a waking dream – where you can see what’s going to happen, and can do nothing about it – watching as the cards fall with unflinching certainty towards the outcome you didn’t want to admit was really going to unfold right in front of you.

There’s no instruction book for being a parent. At some point your kids grow up and figure out that you’re making it up as you go along – you’re doing your best, and sometimes your best isn’t as good as either you or they had hoped it might be.

But you also learn develop a pretty good bullshit filter along the way. While watching your children dabble a little with “fuck around and find out”, you try to steer their ship away from the more obvious coral reefs.

And sometimes there’s nothing you can do.

And it’s hard.

And all you can do is prepare, and pretend.